The other day I was crammed in the back of a truck with 9 other people. We were headed to a church that sits in a little village town in the bush of Cambodia. The drive reminded me of my time in Africa. There were little children running alongside the truck waving, horrible pot holes and red dirt roads. Although here they have rice fields, bamboo huts and houses that sit on stilts. We were half way to the church when it started to down pour. It rained so hard that our driver pulled over for us to take cover under a hut.
As we were sitting on a bench made out of sticks I had this sudden urge to go play in the rain. There was something about the gray skies, thunder and water falling from the sky that seemed to invite me into the storm. So after a few minutes of innocent persuasion I convinced my friend Carly to go with play with me.
I wanted to dance. I wanted to sing. I wanted to twirl. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to run.
And at one point I realized I was doing just that.
Dancing, singing, laughing, twirling and running in the rain in the middle of nowhere. I was embracing the storm. I didn't care about tomorrow. I was in the moment. I saw the adventure that the storm could bring and went for it. I was facing the rain clouds with childlike joy and innocence.
So much of my life I have run from things. Run from fears. Run from failures. Run from pain, questions, and dreams. I like that I'm learning not to run anymore. I like that Jesus is teaching me how to rest despite my circumstances. I like that I'm finding peace and joy in the midst of a storm. I like that I get to be a little girl that plays, runs, dances, sings, and laughs in the arms of my Daddy, un-afraid of the storm.
After an hour of playing, the rain eventually slowed down. And we hopped back into the truck to make our way further into the heart of the bush and stopped in front of the little church. There were about a hundred Cambodian children and adults waiting for us with grins on their faces.
For the next couple hours we got to minister to these local village people. We told them how Jesus had sent us from America to tell them how much He loved them. We prayed for the sick, gave a talk on prayer and hearing God’s voice and performed a skit about Daniel and the Lion’s Den to 75 children.
It was a beautiful. I got to experience the beauty of a storm and share Jesus. On the way home I was just thinking how crazy it is that I am traveling the world with Jesus. The people were so thankful that they gave us about 25 coconuts as a way to bless us on our jouney. I will never forget that day.
Here are a few pictures that captured those memories. Photo credits: AJ Levan.
Let me take you back to last year. I decided to go on the world race in April of 2011. When I got accepted I pretty much told God that I didn’t want to lead. I didn’t want to be in any type of leadership role. It’s always just been easier for me to follow and go with the flow. It’s true. I really wanted a year off to ‘be free’ and not have any responsibilities or weights to carry. Plus I didn’t really think I could do it and have wrestled with confidence pretty much my whole life.
The mandates of ‘God this is what I want’ went flying out the window when I was asked to be a team leader at training camp in July. They called us into this room and extended the invite to be a part of the leadership team. They gave us all but 10 minutes to pray and give an answer. I went outside and sat on the steps of a nearby cabin basically kicking rocks, frustrated and hesitant.
“God, I can’t do this. Why did you choose me? I just want to be free this year. I’m not even a good leader. I’m afraid. I’m not the one for the job. I don’t even know how to lead. And you know how much I hate making decisions. Why? How do I even do this? Can’t I just follow?
There was a pause for a minute and then I heard Him speak back to my me.
Rachel, do you trust me? Quickly responding. Yes, Lord of course I do.
Do you trust me? Frustrated. Jesus, Yes. I mean I think I do…?
Do you really trust me Rachel?
This time I just sat there, realizing where I was really at. There were parts of my heart that were struggling to trust. There were things that this situation was clearly bringing to the surface. I had come with my own agenda, my own expectations and my own what I wants.
O Jesus, I know I should trust you. I really want to. I want to accept all that you have for me. I want to believe you. I want to be excited. I want to trust without struggling! I want what you want for me. I’m scared though. Why me? I don’t have anything special to offer. I have no clue how to do this? Won’t you help me Lord? I can’t do this without you. Is there any way you would change your mind and just let me follow?
[Side note: Isn’t it funny how Jesus never really answers the why to questions? He usually just throws out another question for you to sit and ponder. Not funny Jesus.]
Anyways, we sat there in the silence on the steps of that cabin in the middle of the woods at training camp in Tennessee. I knew what I had to do. I knew I had to accept. I knew my answer was yes. I knew deep down that this wasn’t about a job to do but more of a calling that the Lord was inviting me into.
So I accepted. I said yes and I walked the thing out for next three months. It so challenging! I realized over and over that God had called me not because I had it ‘all together’ but because He clearly had things to teach me. He put me in situation after situation to grow and stretch me in ways that only being in leadership would bring out.
Then came month three of the race in Nepal. Phillip and Christy sat down with Christian and I and shared their hearts. They would be leaving at the end of the month and felt God calling us into a role with more responsibilities, squad leading for the next 8 months.
What?!!? Are you serious Jesus? You know I have had the hardest time these past three months leading. You know all the times that I have epically failed. You know all the times I wanted to follow and not lead out. You know how bad I wanted to quit. I still don’t even know how to do this? Jesus, can’t I just follow?
Rachel, do you trust me? Jesus! Are we seriously back to this? You know I trust you.
Do you trust me? Pause. I desperately want to.
Rachel, do you really trust in me?
O Jesus, we’ve been through this so many times. I want to trust you. I know I can trust you. I desire it more than anything else but here I am struggling again. Lord, I can’t do this! I seriously have no clue of how to do this. This isn’t my strongest point. In fact I feel weaker than I’ve ever felt.
Rachel my love, breathe. You can trust me. I am with you. I will never leave your side. Don’t you see? This isn’t your squad. These aren’t your people. They are mine. Won’t you give up fighting me? YWon't you find rest in all of this? You have been begging me to follow for months this is me answering. I want to lead. Won’t you follow Me?
In hindsight I can laugh about all of this now. It has been one heck of a wild ride over these months that's for sure. The journey of knowing where I need to be, but not being there yet has been an intense process.
I was talking to my best friend Brandon today and realized that most of the time I live from the place of process. Most of the time I live from the middle. I live in that place of tension where I haven’t fully worked out all the stuff yet. And throughout this journey most of the blogs I write invite you smack dab into the middle with me. Thank you for that. Thank you for coming with me. Thank you for loving me enough to venture out into the middle even though half the time I’m not sure where we’re going.
Today I write from a place of revelation. It’s interesting. I like it! I can see that God has and is changing me. I feel like a completely different woman. I am actually walking in who He says I am. I have said yes to what He’s called me into. I’m not fighting Him anymore. I’ve made peace with things even though I don’t have all the answers. I’m okay knowing my weakness because I know how strong my Jesus is. I’m okay looking like a fool for Him. I’m okay not always getting in right. I’m okay not having all the answers. I’m okay throwing out my own agenda and jumping on board with His plans.
Because saying yes to what He has called me into has brought about the most ridiculous amount of freedom I’ve ever experienced. The more I say yes the better it gets. The fruit of trust, peace, patience, boldness, grace, confidence, and rest continue to grow in the garden of my heart. And not just grow, but to be tall and blooming!
And so the story continues. This past week was a pretty big marker for A-squad. We had our 8-month debrief and entered into month 9. I was faced with yet again the “Do you trust me” question.
Do you trust me with your squad? Do you trust me with the teams? Do you trust me with travel? Do you trust me with your next season? Do you trust me? Do you trust me? Do you trust me?
Wow. I realized I was back to trust.
Yes!Jesus. Yes! I trust you. I do. I really trust you. I do'nt quite fully get it all but I'm choosing to trust you.
I realized in that moment that what Jesus has wanted all along is..... ME. He wants my heart. He wants my process. He wants me to see myself the way He does. He wants me know that He is a good Dad. He wants my willingness. He wants me to partner with Him. He wants me to know that He won’t ever give up on me, that He's got me. His Love is endless. His understaning I can’t even fathom? And His mercy, O how beautiful it is.
Jesus, I pray that you would continue to bring me to the end of myself and help me trust you even more. Thank you for calling me. Thank you for your love that keeps me going. I love you. I trust you!!
For the past week I have been in Cambodia. The squad left the other day to head to their ministry sites. Christian and I stayed back with my alumni leader, Christy to get some intentional time with her and hang out in Siem Reap for a few days and see what Jesus is up to here. Cambodia is another one of those countries that has totally captured my heart. What has captured my heart you ask? Once again, the children. They have literally stolen my heart! They are so cute and I find myself just wanting to go and hang out with them all day long.
Asia has one of the highest rates for human trafficking. As you know last month I was in Thailand helping fight against the sex slave trade, which is a huge part of modern day slavery. This month as I am in Cambodia and walk down the streets here I am hit with a whole new aspect of trafficking, child labor.
There are so many orphaned children here in Cambodia. Children without a mommy or a daddy. Children with no one to take care of them and provide for their needs. Children that have nowhere to go so they end up living on the streets. This leads to the problem of trafficking and child labor. They get caught up in the system. They are put on the streets as beggars to sell things for their 'boss.' They are required to make a certain amount and give it all back. They have no one so this becomes their life. The poverty is very real here and culturally it is accepted.
The other night Christian and I were eating dinner and as we were leaving the restaurant there was a little girl outside the shop sitting on the pavement. She had a basket of bracelets and some flowers next to her. I knew she was one of the ones that have been forced into this vicious cycle of child labor. I couldn't help but stop, she was precious and I felt my heart drawn to her.
I got down on the ground and sat next to her. I'm pretty sure she was startled but pleased by my company.
I asked her what her name was and she said "Linda."
I said "Hi, I am Rachel."
She responded with a smile and proceeded to talk to me in English trying to sell me something.
“Hey lady, do you want to buy bracelet? One dollar for one, I make good deal.”
I smiled and told her “No, thank you.”
I didn’t want anything but just wanted to sit next to her and hang out for a few minutes. My heart desperately went out to her. I had a very real moment with Jesus.
“Why Lord, Why?”
He didn’t exactly answer my why questions but He did give me this indescribable steadfast hope and reminded me of a few things.
“This is exactly why I’ve brought you here Rachel. This is exactly why you are traveling the world living out of a backpack. This is why you are here, for opportunities like this. You are to tell people about Me, to display My love, hope and grace. You are called for this. Tell her about me. I am the One that can change her life. Won’t you introduce her to me?”
These words hit me hard and I had one of those ah-ha moments. As we were sitting there hope and joy started to rise. This is what I was made for. This is why I am here. Yes! These are the opportunities that I pray for every day. I get to be the hands and feet of Jesus and pour love and light into this little girl.
She kept smiling at me and we just talked and talked and talked. Our conversation slowly changed from her trying to sell me something to us just laughing and being silly together.
She told me that she is 9 years old and has a mother that lives on the other side of the city but has no father. She said works on the streets and sells bracelets and flowers for $1. She has a boss and is required to be at ‘work’ every day at 4 pm. Despite the gravity of her situation, in that moment we were able to laugh together and find joy in playing a game of tic-tac-toe. I lost all three times!
In the midst of it all, God opened a door. I got to tell her about Jesus! I told her that even though she doesn’t have an earthly Father she has a Heavenly Daddy that loves her so very much. I got to share the story of the gospel in just a few minutes. I told her how Jesus came to this earth for us and is in Heaven now and desires to talk to her. He wants her to know Him. He wants to hear about her day. He wants her to know she is worth it all. He wants her to know she’s beautiful and is never alone. I got to tell her about the cross and how He gives new life. I told her that He also gives her purpose and wants to help her. And that He wants her to know that she can pursue her dreams of becoming a doctor one day.
She gazed up at me with the most precious eyes and pulled out the pad of paper that we were playing tic-tac-toe on. She told me to write down everything that I had just told her about this man named Jesus Christ. She said she wanted to remember His name and would never forget me.
While we were still sitting on the pavement we made eye contact. It was the first time she actually looked me in the eyes, every other time she would look down at the ground. We held eye contact for a few minutes and I finally asked her this question.
"What do you see in my eyes, Linda?"
She said,"I see blue."
I sat there and laughed to myself because I have brown eyes. But just as quickly as I laughed I also remembered blue is a color that Jesus has been talking to me about recently. He’s been telling me that it is a symbol for water, life, refreshment and the presence of God. I was blown away and in that moment realized she was able to see the Jesus inside of me.
"What do you see in mine, Lady?"
I said,"I see a princess. I see a little girl that has purpose and destiny. I see a girl that is strong and bold and very smart. I see a girl that has big dreams that she will see come to pass. I see a girl who knows who she is. I see a girl that is never alone. I see a girl that will one day help people. But most of all I see a beautiful daughter of the King who is loved by Jesus."
There is this need inside all of us. The need to be seen, the need to be heard, the need to be understood and the need to be known. It goes so deep, traveling to the depths of our inner being and hitting the core of our existence. I truly believe that those are needs that we all have but the only One that can fulfill them are God himself. How beautiful and amazing it is when He chooses to use you to help someone else recognize the reality of being known by the God of this universe.
God, “He the God who Sees You.” Genesis. 16:13.
Thank you Jesus. Thank you for using me. Thank you for sending me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for sweet little Linda. Thank you that I don’t leave hopeless. No! I leave with Hope. I leave knowing that You love her and that You have a plan for her and that her rescue is coming. Thank you that I got the opportunity to love on her tonight. Thank you that you used me to speak into her life. I trust You with her. She’s your little girl. I know that the words you had me speak are taking root in the garden of her heart right now and that she will come to know you as her Heavenly Daddy. In Jesus name!
"How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news." Paul, in Romans 10:15
Hey people. Quite a few things have happened since the last time we talked. I left Thailand, got on another bus, transitioned into a new country, heart stuff, team changes, debief..... I will fill you in, I promise. But right now I just wanted to a take a couple minutes and throw up this post to communicate a few updates and what's going on now.
I am in Cambodia! I left Thailand a few days ago with my co-squad leader and two of our other leaders. We hopped on a bus and had another exciting day of travel and adventure. Crossing the border was let's just say interesting. We fnally made it across and have been staying at a hostel for a few days in Siem Reap. The man that owns this hotel is a christian man named Meang. He has a beautiful heart. We even have AC and western toilets. WooHoo!!
The past few days have been awesome. All of A-squad came together for debief. Our friends Noe and Tim came out to help us from Adventures in Missions staff as well as our alumni squad leaders Phillip and Christy. Jesus showed up and did His thing once again. O how I love Him! We got to process through some team and ministry stuff, do some worship, have some fun, rest a bit and allow the Lord to give us some direction for the future and fill us back up as we head into month 9.
Thank you for continually following my journey, encrouaging and supporting me. I love you. You have a made a difference in my life and I miss each of you! A song that has been on my heart for the last few days is called 'God I look to You' by the worship team at Bethel Church (check it out). The words impacted me in a really powerful way as I have been re-learning the lesson of throwing away my own agenda and partneing with what God is already doing.
Want to leave you with this. A note I got today from my alumni squad leader scribed in a new journal she brought to me all the way from the US. Side note, I absolutly adore journals. She is one of the most incredibly sweet and thoughtful human beings I have ever met in all my life. She was wrote it as Jesus is the One speaking it to me through her.
"Love like the ocean, I whispered your name Passion, zeal and fire ignite your inner flame Healing and wholeness rise from within, the journey of trusting expands once again Come close my darling and hear as I speak, boldness and direction week by week Your dreams and your passions molded into one, hear as I urge you, urge you to run Strength and stamina be yours in abundance, breath deeply sweet Rachel, endurance it comes"
As I walk down the streets of Bangla Road in the Red Light district I am surrounded by women everywhere caught in trafficking situations, the commerical sex trade industry, darkness and oppression.
There are thousands of women that are bought and sold. They expect to be treated like an object, to be abused and used night after night. Most of them hate their job. Most of them do this because they feel like this is the only way to live and provide for their family.
I've walked through this month with many ups and downs. It hasn't been easy to see the things I have seen. It's not easy talking to one of the girls and her saying she is worth $3000 bhat ($150 USD). It isn't easy to hear her say that she went home with a stranger last night. It isn't easy to see guys my own age out on the streets looking for 'love.' It isn't easy to hear that she hates her job but has no other choice. It isn't easy to hear they aren't ready to leave because of fear. It isn't easy to hear that she never gets to see her children.
My heart hurts. But I have so much Hope! Jesus loves these women. They are not objects- they are His precious daughters. They have worth. He has eyes to see them not for what they do, but who He created them to be. He is coming for them and has been using us to help. Just today, we got a phone call from one of the bar girls we met on the street the other night. She said she was done with the business and ready to see what we could offer her through the SHE organization.
So through it all God has been steadfast and faithful reminding me of His heart and how he really sees them. There is love, hope and redemption available. He has them. He loves them. And He's for them. Revolution is coming.
Not only are the 11 of us reaching out and loving on the women in the red light district- we are also loving eachother. We live together in community, fight for Hope, family time and freedom. Every day we sit down together as sisters and process what we're going through and where we're at in the journey of life. Being here and working with the women on the streets has definetly brought to the surface some very intense emotions and personal struggles that we have each experienced and are still walking through.
By coming together, sharing, being vulnerable, open, real and transparent we have experienced more of our Daddy's love, grace, forgiveness and redemption.
So we decided in the name of Daddy's unconditional love, freedom and redemption to put together a video that would communicate some of the beautiful testimonies of what God has done in our own lives to shine light and hope to those who are still trapped in bondage.
The heart of this video is not to incriminate or shock anyone rather, advance The Kingdom, display the power of God and reveal His heart for redemption. I am so proud of you Ruth, Stephanie, Daniela, Emily, Krystle, Marissa, Emily, Vanessa, Kaitlyn and Angela. I am so blessed to be apart of your team for the month. You are my sisters and I love you dearly.
For those of you who do not know MY full story- It's coming. This month, this video, the women I've met and the team have opened my eyes to an even deeper revelation of forgviness, healing and freedom to me personally. I am currently in the middle of writing out and inviting you into the part of me that I kept hidden for so long. The full story to come soon.
So here's the deal. We are about to have this thing called debrief here in a few weeks in Cambodia. It's something that happens every few months. It's a time where we come together as a family. People from the states come out from AIM to visit us, we have workshops, do some worship, get encouraged, rest and enter a time of process. A huge part of 8-month debrief is that our alumni squad leaders come out to see us.This is where we need your help......Phillip Henry (one of my alumni squad leaders) is short about $1700 to come back out on the field. He came off the field a few months ago when him and Christy raised Christian and I to take their place as squad leades for the remainder of our trip. Anyways...I really really really want to see this kid and so does our A-squad family. This is a man that calls out worship for our squad, speaks truth boldly and calls each of us into greatness. He has been such a huge part of this journey and a voice of truth in my life. I love him dearly! I would humbly ask that you would consider helping him get out here. If everyone contributed just a little bit it would help him reach the goal. By you helping him, your helping me, my squad and the nations!
Meet Phillip
You can donate by going directly to his blog and clicking on the support tab. Anything helps. Love:)
There is something so intoxicating about the ocean. There is something so powerful about light breaking forth out of darkness. There is something so moving about hearning the sound of waves crashing. There is something so freeing about taking risks and trusting the process.
I spent the day at the Indian ocean with some of the girls from my squad today. It was our off day. As we walked down to the beach I was taken back by the beauty of creation. I was speechless and felt so contemplative. It caused me to be overwhelmed with this uexplainable peace that I just sat without saying a word and pondered life.
My thoughts ended up driting to a mental picture of a beach. One very similiar to the one I was at. I began picturing the beach in the calm of the morning. I envisionsed the sun just beginning to rise and the waters still, like glass. I saw myself standing on the edge of the shore with my toes just barely in the water and a surfboard under my arm. I gazed into the abyss and felt drawn to it. I began paddling out past the breaker. The waters were easy to manage and with each paddle I was headed into the unknown.
I feel like this is where I am at right now. I'm in the middle of a process. At the start things were peaceful, still and calm. And then suddenly the waters aren't so still anymore, in fact there is a strom starting to rage around me. Instantly my first reaction is fear. I suddenly begin to question everything that I know to be true. I loose sight of the bigger picture and focus on what is directly in front of me, the big scarey waves.
As much as I can't stand it, I love it when Jesus brings me back through something I've already walked through. I belive it to be an new layer and a new place of depth and trust that He takes me through. The concept of stillness, rest and peace are all things that Jesus and I have clearly talked about over the years but this week He brought it up again.
I was journaling at the beach today and felt like this is what Jesus said. 'These aren't just concepts Rachel, these are part of who you are, there is a confidence that comes out of you slowing down and just sitting with me. When you seek Me in the stillness, you hear my whisper.You feel my peace. You are reminded that nothing else matters when you know how much I love you. When you practice this, it wrecks the enemy's day. Without stillness, your concept of Me is limited. Stillness is the precursor to peace. My peace is better than having all the answers. Stillness releases you into unbroken communion with me. So, stop what your doing and just be with Me in the stillness."
So tonight as I sit and process I see the burning desire in my heart for these things. I see the heart cry to be a woman at rest, a woman at peace and a woman that fully trusts in her Lord. I also see the ways that I still give in to fear. I see the places where I am desperate for His help. I can't do this alone. I see that most of the time when the storm comes I get scared. I see that I don't have all the answers. That I'm not perfect. That I'm still on the journey.
Tonight I recieve His peace and rest. I am, humbled, yet again. I am going to stop trying to get to the other side when I'm in the middle of a journey. I will seek Him in the stillness, embrace the process and trust that He's got me. I will enjoy the stages. I will claim peace in the midst of the storm. I will keep paddling out past the breaker into the unknown. It is worth the risk. His waves of mercy and endless ocean of love will be there to catch me everytime.
This month I am in Phuket, Thailand with 10 of our women from A-squad. We are working with an organization called SHE. SHE focuses on sharing hope and love to women and children that are caught in human trafficking, are on the streets, are bar girls or are working in the commercial sex trade industry.
This is done by literally walking on the streets of Patong and going into bars. We are not here to condemn, ‘pass out tracks’ or force them to pray the sinner’s prayer. The desire is to display grace by meeting them right where they are at. SHE is an organization that focuses on giving the women a better way of life. They can receive training, counseling, and rehabilitation at the center. There are also opportunities to learn English and a trade that will increase their self-worth and add value to the community they live in.
Here in Thailand it is a cultural requirement and an ‘act of honor’ for Thai women to be responsible and carry the burden of providing for the family income. Therefore, many of the women that are on the streets, in bars and sold into trafficking are doing so because they have no other choice. Many of them have been left by their husbands, have parents that are sick and hungry children that need them to provide.
I have so much hope though! I have only been out one night so far and Jesus is already opening doors. I was able to meet and talk with eight bar girls. They were all very open and even shared parts of their stories with me. The goal is to eventually take them on what SHE calls a ‘date’ during the day. It provides for an environment away from the bar scene where we build relationships and trust. We get to take them out for a coke or coffee and tell them about the opportunities available at SHE. There have been over 150 women that have been rescued by this organization alone since 2006.
Some of you know my story and some of you don’t. Being here and seeing these women takes me back to not that long ago in my own life. About 3 years ago I worked in a bar similar to the ones here. In fact, I have worked in restaurants and bars for the better part of my life starting at age 15. I too was working there because I didn’t think I was worthy of anything else and needed quick cash. This enviroment and other circumstances quickly led me down a path that involved addictions, selfishness, insecurities, and unhealthy relationships.
I lived this way for a long time, and each year would fall further down into the spiral effect. Although, my experience and job description was a little different than the girls here I can relate and understand where they are coming from. I remember thinking I knew I was better but didn’t know how to quit or get out. There was this feeling of being trapped that I don’t quite fully know how to describe. Deep down there was a longing and need to love and be loved that I hadn't ever experienced but was desperate for.
There were many times of breakthrough but it was still a long process of coming out and ultimately a choice that I had to make on my own. What changed my life the most were the people Jesus brought into my life. There are specific people that walked through this journey with me and were with me every step of the way. They met me right where I was at. They didn't have any expectations but to love and show me there was more to life. Honestly, I don’t know how to thank you. It moves me to the depth of my core that you loved me through it all. You showed a grace that I didn't even know was possible and spoke truth with the most loving intentions. You know who you are…. Truly, you have changed my life forever. From what you have done for me, God is now using me to do for others.
I am beyond ecstatic for this opportunity. I have much sobriety as I celebrate the resurrection of Jesus this month and the redemption that He brings. My prayer is that the women we meet this month would recognize that they are worthy of love and grace.It's not what you do, It's what He has already done. All you have to do is say yes and recieve His love. From there it's the start to walking out a beautiful journey hand in hand with the Lover of your soul.
I wanted to start this out with a little fun fact about me. I was in a band when I was 8 years old called ‘CRC-t3’ with my two cousins. Wait, it was hardly a band. It was more like a singing group with the occasional piano in the background. CRC-t3 stood for our last initials and the t-3 meant terrific three. We were pretty much rock stars. I would be willing to mail you an autograph if you’d like. No but really, we loved it and had so much fun. We would put on concerts at every family gathering. Literally. Looking back I can just imagine what everyone was thinking!
I’m pretty sure this is when my love for worship started. We would sit in our room for hours, writing songs to Jesus and learning how to harmonize with each other. It makes me laugh when I look back but it clearly confirms God’s hand at work even then. Ever since those younger years I have recognized a deep desire for worship and a longing to know more about it. Although, as I reached my teenage years I stopped pursuing it. I began believing the lie that I wasn’t good enough and that I needed to let go of childhood dreams.
This race has absolutely resurrected that passion and dream! God has been speaking to me so much about His heart for worship as well as mine. I am learning that it’s not about what my voice sounds like, how good I can harmonize, what songs I can write or my skill. It’s not about being a musician or even a worship leader. It’s simply a state of being. It’s who I am. I am worship! You are worship!
I found that as I began to open up to this dream lies were uncovered. There were roots of performance and fear that I had been operating in. I am now beginning to walk out of these and enter a new season. I am experiencing freedom to sing out and just go with it. Being worship. It’s exciting! I still have a desire and longing to learn more. There is a lot more that Jesus has for me in this. It's good though. I don’t have any expectations, agenda or pressure, I get to be me and be with my favorite person in the world. I feel the most alive when I am worshipping. I am praying that childhood dreams would be resurrected in you this month. Nothing is impossible with Him.
A few things that I've learned/learning about worship:
The rest of the month has been good here in Uganda. God is clearly doing things in this continent! It has been a reoccurring theme the past three months to actually see God’s kingdom break through in tangible ways. Like I’ve said in previous blogs there are countless people coming to know Jesus, getting delivered from oppression and healed of sickness and disease. One of our teams even got the opportunity this month to participate in a crusade and see a witch doctor come into relationship with Jesus and an elderly woman walk that was lame five minutes before. It has been such an honor to be here. When I first signed up for the race Africa wasn’t even on my radar. But I can say wholeheartedly that it has now stolen my heart! There are few specific things that I really love about it.
The call of worship. There is more Joy and Spirit here than I’ve literally ever seen in all my life! These people know how to dance, sing and move their bodies in a way that is beyond me. There is something about it that moves me so deeply. It’s feels almost as if I am experiencing what heaven is like.
The children. They are Africa's future! They are precious and dear to my heart. God has used them so much in my time here. I pray blessing and favor upon them, their future and destiny. Oh, and I want to adopt all of them.
The need for God. Times are tough here. They don’t have a whole lot so they actually need Him to show up. And I’m not just saying for the new car they’ve been praying for. But for the needs of food, water, jobs, money, clothing, shoes, beds….They cry out to God day and night and yet remain hopeful that He is going to answer. It is refreshing and has put a deep hunger inside of me to not be satisfied with anything less than needing God to show up.
Tomorrow starts our transition out of Africa and into Asia. We fly to Thailand. I will be honest with you, I am experiencing some sadness about leaving. There is a deep love in my heart for this land, the people and culture that I didn’t even know was there. Africa, I love you and will miss you!! I will be back, I’m sure of it.
Although, this is twofold kind of deal. As much as I am sad to leave the heart land of Africa I am so excited for Thailand. The whole reason that I joined the race in the first place was because of my passion to travel to Asia and fight against human trafficking. I am about to enter into that very thing. Two years ago I learned about the injustice of the sex slave trade and became obsessed with wanting to leave everything behind and help the cause. Then I was introduced to the world race and their partnerships with trafficking ministries. I had to go! And now I am actually being sent to the place God has been talking to me about for years. I feel so encouraged! I am seeing a promise of God come to pass.
Today I am staying close to Jesus. Excited for newness. Embracing feelings. Making decisions with confidence. Trusting. Risking. Loving. Learning. Listening. Singing. Experiencing. Resting. My heart is open, ready and alive. Thailand here we come!!
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